Minion Edict 101

We are surrounded by peons. Our cultural infrastructure relies upon those who attendant our every need. None of us can truly claim to be self reliant. Society has been this way shortly after we walked out the that first cave and currency invented. But do we thank these minions that often we do not even acknowledge? Heck no. But I'm going to teach you how.

Walk into any connivance store, you probley do just about everyday. As you stand impatiently in line for both seconds tapping your foot and rolling your eyes for your turn you will spot a vest wearing serf. He will be your prime target to practice your good manors on. People often think they are above having to be polite to anyone behind a counter. These poor Joes deal with a multitude of rude people every day, often avoiding eye contact as not to incite any unwarranted abrasiveness. As they hand you your change for the gum you have just purchased, it is mandatory for them to tell you, "Have a nice day", as a form of dismissal. It is their code for "Get the hell out of my face". Look the straight in the eye and sincerely answer them with, "Thanks, I will... Now!" And grin at them, letting them know your purchase of their gum is truly the high point of your day.

After filling your car with gas, always opt to pay inside. Those counter monkeys always look forward to more personal interaction. As you saunter up, their opening line is always, What number pump are you? This they already know being both psychic and halving watched you as you walked in from fifteen feet away at pump six. By this they mean, "Pay up fast and just get out". No matter which pump you used, strike a pose and flip your hair as you announce in a loud voice,"I'm a ten!" Step in closer as you lean in to whisper an exaggerated, "But I just hosed a six". Guaranteed they will look at you and think you are a zero. But they won't forget you. And they won't bother to ask for a phone number with your check.

As you pay for your grocerys, apron boy's duty is to query, "Paper or plastic?" Translation, "I'm throwing the soft squishes in the bottom, followed by the canned goods." Ponder this as you roll your eyes back into your head from side to side to weigh the benefits to your option. Hum as you do tapping your chin. Finally ask him for his opinon. "What would YOU recommend?" as if choosing a fine wine. Granted whichever one he chooses, he will be thinking two words. Body bag.

Be your true inner self when conversing with waitstaff. Behave how you know you really want to as you are seated and waiting for food. When the tray barrier approaches your table to announce, "Hi, I'm Bob and I will be your waiter tonight", answer with one word. "Mommy!" Let the self centered four year old inside of you out. Demand their attention as often as you can. Ask that your french fries do not touch your bun. Have them cut your meat. See if they will chew it for you. Sit with your mouth wide open like a baby bird when they walk by giving them the opportunity to feed you. Your new "Mommy" will get your your food fast, just to get you out of there. And no need to remember their birthday or send a Christmas card.

I try to make the world a happy, friendlier place no matter where I go. I howl at all construction workers. I have even ventured yelling, "Nice hole!", if the workers are bent over a shovel. Jehovah witnesses are invited in for taffy as I talk about my beliefs while they rest their over worked vocal cords. Phone solicitators have had numerous deep conversations with my baby. My friend, body building Mitch even followed a road rager home once after being cut off in traffic to tell the driver to "Have a nice day". Course the finger waver had hurriedly rolled up his window and locked his car door when he seen 210 pound Mitch walking up his driveway towards him, but I think he got the point. My point is share the love, make someone's day. Even if it's only yours.